


Dance of the Clairvoyants

by pennilesspoet



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Coming Out, Guardian Angels, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Angst, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23725396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pennilesspoet/pseuds/pennilesspoet
Summary: “David. You are Patrick Brewer’s guardian angel. You are supposed to be watching over him, guiding him, helping him along his path!”“Okay, yes, but Patrick is boring! He is SO boring! He’s a business major who wears straight-leg, mid-range denim!”“That is not the point! You took your eyes off of him, and he has fallen off of his path! He nearly died tonight, David!”David gasps, heart in his throat. Oh no. This was...he was in so much trouble.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Patrick Brewer/Rachel, Theodore "Ted" Mullens/Alexis Rose
Comments: 16
Kudos: 57





	1. Prologue: Save your predictions and burn your assumptions

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on something Dan said in an LA Times interview about a short film he wrote. The story and chapter titles are taken from a Pearl Jam song.

David tipped his face upward, letting the sun warm his face as a light breeze kissed his skin.

The weather was perfect, as it was every single day in this place. Sighing deeply, David opened his eyes and picked up the delicate robin’s egg blue ceramic cup. The latte was a perfect temperature; not too hot, and not cold. _Perfect_.

The garden was peaceful and quiet; the perfect respite from the hustle and bustle of the offices. David glanced over at the luminescent crystal orb sitting on the table in front of him. The orb had been grey and cloudy for some time now, but David chose not to read too much into it. He’d get around to checking it at some point. With a small measure of guilt, David shifted his eyes away from the orb, and to the large slice of angel food cake in front of him. He plucked the spongy dessert off of his plate, and proceeded to devour it, thoughts of his orb all but forgotten.

“David! DAVID!!” a shrill voice cut into the silence of the garden. Around him, he could see others looking up with confusion. Voices were rarely raised in this place.

“David!!”

“Ugh, what?” David dropped the remainder of his angel food cake onto his plate as Alexis approached, her hands fluttering anxiously. He wasn’t sure why he was friends with her sometimes.

“Don’t ‘what’ me! You’re being summoned!” Alexis replied with wide eyes.

“Summoned!?” David repeated, eyes wide. Being summoned by management was never a good thing. Suddenly the light cake and sweetened coffee sat like a lump in his stomach.

Standing shakily, David picked up his orb and followed Alexis out of the cozy confines of the garden and into the brightly lit, stark white offices. The corridor was bustling with activity; people moving to and fro, dressed head-to-toe in white, eyes glued to their orbs. It amazed David that nobody ever collided with one another, given that almost nobody was watching where they were going. David saw nothing but tops of heads, and hints of faces that were being illuminated by their shining orbs. He glanced down at his dull grey orb, no longer illuminated, and felt a wave of guilt course through him. 

Lost in his own thoughts, David didn’t realize that they had arrived until he’d nearly collided with Alexis, as she stopped in front of the oversized white and gold doors.

“Ugh, David!” Alexis flipped her hair over her shoulder in a huff, then pulled open the doors.

“Why are you still here?” David hissed, as he and Alexis made their way into the room.

“I’m here to help, David,” Alexis replied, an insincere pout on her face.

"You can help by falling into a volcano," David hissed.

“David,” a voice boomed, startling them both to attention.

“Hello, Moira,” David plastered on a smile, as a set of glimmering curtains parted, and a slight yet imposing figure appeared. She was wearing her formal robes, complete with miter, gold shoes and gold opera gloves. David swallowed, and felt his stomach drop. Formal robes meant a formal judgment was coming. Behind Moira was Johnny, donning a crisp, all-white suit, a grim look on his face.

“Don’t you ‘hello’ me, David! Do you have any idea the calamity you have caused today?”

“Um. No?” David replied, though he had an idea what it might be.

“David,” Johnny interjected gently, “Can you tell us about Patrick Brewer?”

“Patrick Brewer? Uh...sure?” David racked his brain, trying to remember everything he’d gleaned from his orb. “He, uh, he gets up every morning at six o’clock, jogs around his little neighborhood, puts on a button-down shirt and department store slacks, kisses his cute little fiancée, and goes to work at his financial consultant firm. He comes home, makes dinner with said fiancée, and falls asleep in front of a network police procedural, or a game show involving living on an island naked, or a sports contest, or - ”

“Yes, we get it,” Moira interjects, looking put off, "What else?".

“He, um, goes to his parent’s house on Saturdays to help his dad in the yard and help his mom bake for church bake sales, and he--”

“David. You’re describing what Patrick  _ does _ . Tell us about him. What does he like? What are his dreams? Is he happy?”

“I, uh...I mean he seems. Content?” David’s eyes dart between Johnny and Moira, and it is clear that neither is impressed.

“David. You are Patrick Brewer’s guardian angel. You are supposed to be watching over him, guiding him, helping him along his path!”

“Okay, yes, but Patrick is  _ boring _ ! He is  _ so _ boring! He’s a business major who wears straight-leg, mid-range denim!”

“That is not the point! You took your eyes off of his orb, and now he has fallen off of his path! He nearly died tonight, David!”

David gasps, heart in his throat. Oh no. This was...he was in so much trouble.

“He...he almost died?”

“You know nothing about Patrick or his path!” Moira wailed, “He was feeling stifled and unhappy. The path he was on was not one he chose for himself, but one that he let others choose for him, and he felt bereft as a result. So desperate was he to break away, that he abandoned his fiancée, and left his hometown, with no direction, and no plan as to what to do next. He has completely lost his way because you weren’t there to guide him! He drove out of town, with no destination in mind, and wrecked his car outside of a small town called...Schittsville.”

“Schitt’s Creek, Moira,” Johnny amended.

“Yes! If it hadn’t been for Alexis’ intervention, he would have died!”

“Alexis!” David rounded on her, eyes blazing, “Did you look at my orb?”

“No! My person lives in Schitt’s Creek! I happened to just...be there. Also,  _ you’re welcome _ , David. I saved your person!”

“So what...what does this mean? Is he...is he going to be okay?”

“Yes,” Johnny replied, “No thanks to you. But as punishment-”

“Oh God,” David whispered.

“God can’t help you now, dear,” Moira whispered, “She has her hands full with much bigger things.”

“As _ punishment _ ,” Johnny continued, “You’ll need to go down there.”

“What!? No, it’s gross down there!”

“Ugh, David, it’s not that bad. Like, you get used to the smell after a while,” Alexis smirked knowingly.

“You’ll be going down there, as a human, and you will help Patrick find his way back onto his path.”

“No,” David shook his head in disbelief.

“Not to worry! You’ll have help! Alexis’ person is down there, so she’ll be sojourning with you!” Moira crowed happily.

“And Moira and I will also be there, to help ensure you are following the rules.”

“Uh, so we’re just all going to move into this tiny town in the middle of nowhere? Together? That seems a little suspicious,” David stated desperately.

“We’ll be going as a family,” Johnny replied with a smile.

  
  



	2. Part 1: Endless equations and tugging persuasions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The angels land in Schitt's Creek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that this does not really follow the canonical timeline.

**Two (human) months later.**

David frowned as he surveyed his surroundings. Before him was a run down, filthy motel slightly tucked off of what David assumed to be the main road, in the middle of nowhere. The dirt lot and dying grass surrounding the motel did little to improve his first impression. 

“How do they live like this?” David muttered to himself, as a gust of wind picked up some of the parking lot dirt, creating a small swirl of dust. Alexis appeared just as the dust settled.

“Ew, David, what are you wearing?” Alexis, clothed in a shorter version of her usual floor-length white dress, looked David up and down with mild disdain.

“The only color we wear up there is white!” David replied as he gestured to his all-black ensemble. “If I have to be down in this hellhole, at least I can make it somewhat interesting.”

Alexis looked unimpressed, but before she could retort, Moira and Johnny appeared, both wearing darker versions of their typical attire. David took the opportunity to shoot Alexis a smug look as the two angels approached their supervisors.

“Oh good, you’re both here,” Johnny greeted with a grin. 

“Oh my, it smells like charred refuse down here,” Moira looked around warily, “I do hope you’re able to rectify your error sooner rather than later David.”

“I still don’t know how I am supposed to do that,” David replied, “Am I just supposed to walk up to him and tell him he’s supposed to be-”

“You’ll tell him _nothing_ , David,” Moira instructed sharply, “He mustn’t know your motivation or what you are. You know the rules.”

“We’ve set some things in motion that might be helpful,” Johnny added, “Let’s go ahead and get settled, and we can go over everything.” As Johnny made his way toward the motel office to check them in, Alexis flipped her hair and turned to Moira.

“I’m sorry, are we staying at this…. _motel_?”

“Of course. We aren’t going to be here long, so there is no reason to banish innocent people from their homes. Did neither of you read your briefings?” Moira crossed her arms and eyed both of the young angels disapprovingly.

“Okay, there was nothing in the _briefing_ about a motel,” Alexis snapped defensively. 

“So our ‘family’ lost everything, and we just...ended up here? Who is going to believe that?” David added.

“John, it appears we will need to hold our first ‘family meeting’ right away,” Moira sighed as Johnny made his way out of the motel office.

~~@~~

After a drawn-out meeting around a small, scratched up table in Moira and Johnny’s motel room, in which David and Alexis were once again reminded of everything that was laid out in their briefing packets, David and Alexis were left to set up their room. Bags of clothes awaited them in their shared space, along with their orbs. As Alexis set to work pulling flowy dresses and shiny jewelry out of her bags, David sat on the bed they had deemed to be “his” ( _“YOU got us into this, David, so YOU get murdered first.”_ ) and stared down at his still-dark orb.

The orb was meant to give its holder a sense of their subject’s well-being. An angel would be able to hold the orb and always know how their person was feeling. They could look into the orb to observe their person, something more and more angels had become obsessed with. Angels often moved about, never taking their eyes off of their orbs, fascinated by the day-to-day activities of these regular people.

David realized that once he’d lost interest in his orb, he also stopped feeling anything from it. Or perhaps he’d stopped noticing. Patrick always seemed content, though now that David thinks about it, his contentment always felt a little…off. The feeling was there, so Patrick believed himself to be content, but that feeling rarely felt pure. Maybe Patrick was as bored with his life as David was watching it.

Sighing, he placed the orb, slate grey and dull, onto the nightstand. Alexis, now finished with her tasks, plopped down on the adjacent bed and set her orb - glowing a bright lemon yellow - next to David’s.

“Who is your person?” David asked, his eyes straying back to Alexis’s orb.

“His name is Ted, and he is the town veterinarian,” Alexis settled down into her bed and turned to gaze at her orb fondly.

“He's an animal doctor?”

“Mmm, yes, he is very sweet and cute,” Alexis replied with a soft smile, “Can you see Patrick in yours yet?”

“No. He, um. The briefing said he was out of the hospital, so he is definitely not in a coma anymore. I guess I thought all this fog in my orb was because he was unconscious,” David slumped down into his bed, and silently cursed at the thin, awful mattress poking into his back.

“If he is not in the hospital anymore then where is he?”

“It says he is staying with the person who found his car - Ray-something? I guess he is a local businessman.”

“Are you going to go visit this Ray person then?” Alexis asked curiously.

“No, I’m supposed to go look at some old General Store tomorrow,” David sighed. 

“Mmm, that sounds so fun for you,” Alexis smirked.

“ _Eat glass_ ,” David huffed, “What’s your plan?”

“I’m just going to keep an eye on Ted - make sure he is staying on track. I guess I will have to conjure a way for the two of us to officially meet,” Alexis replied thoughtfully.

“Well, good luck with that, I guess.”

“You too, David. I hope you can help Patrick out,” Alexis replied softly, concerned eyes on the grey orb.

“Yeah, me too.” David followed Alexis’s gaze and frowned. Unable to stomach the physical evidence of his failure any longer, he switched off the lamp that sat on the nightstand between the beds.

~~@~~

The General Store, or rather, what used to be a general store, was a large brick building filled with mostly empty, dusty shelves. David looked around the space warily. Johnny had told him that he should consider turning the store into something new, but he didn’t really specify _what_ that thing should be. Sighing, David walked toward a large, wooden counter - practically the only thing that seemed worth saving here. He ran his hands over the polished wood, contemplating how he could transform this sad little space. Perhaps a beautifully curated store, one that could also help out the people in the surrounding area sell their wares. David closed his eyes, and let his mind conjure up warm tones, and soft music, and a sense of tranquility he hadn’t been able to capture since they had arrived down here.

Behind him, the door opened, ringing the small bell that hung over it. David turned to see Patrick Brewer, clad in department store denim, and a familiar blue button-down. David thought that he looked exactly as David remembered him from his short glances into the orb, but as Patrick moved into the space, the backlight from the windows no longer obscured his features, David noticed one significant change - a long, angry-looking scar that ran down one side of Patrick’s face, from his hairline to his jaw, and just missing his eye. It was a clear and constant reminder of David’s failure to the man. 

“Are you David?” Patrick asked, his tone friendly and open.

“Y-uh...yes, I-I am. Sorry, I didn’t-” David stuttered, nervous that Patrick somehow knew (even though there was no way that he could know) that all of this was David’s fault.

“Right, sorry, you were probably expecting Ray. He got tied up with a photo shoot, so he asked me to come over and show you around a little. I’m Patrick Brewer,” Patrick held out his hand and looked up at David with a warm smile.

“David…” Oh. There was nothing in the briefing about family names. Panicking, David looked around, his eyes landing on the dusty shelf behind Patrick, where a forgotten box of soap lay on its side, an illustration of a large pink rose in the center.

“Rose. David Rose,” David repeated and made a mental note to inform Moira, Johnny, and Alexis of this new name development.

“Are you sure?” Patrick replied with a small smirk and a sparkle in his eyes. 

“Mmm, yep, yeah, David Rose.”

“Well, David Rose, what is your plan for this space?”

“Right, I am thinking it’s a general store...but it’s also a very specific store.”

“Huh.”

“And it’s also not just a store, it’s like a place where people can come and get coffee, or drinks, but it’s not a coffee shop, nor is it a bar.”

“Okay, so we’re pretty clear on what it’s not,” Patrick nodded, a small smile on his face.

“It’s just...an environment?” David wasn’t sure he was describing it correctly, this vision he had conjured up moments earlier, “It’s like...a branded immersive experience.”

“Right. Okay, um, do you have a name for this...branded immersive not a coffee shop experience?” Patrick could barely contain his shit-eating grin, and David felt suddenly too warm. 

“Um. I don’t...I don’t know.”

“Okay, well...um, it sounds like you are close to being on to something,” Patrick nodded with a warm smile. He opened his portfolio and pulled out a small white card. “I have to go, but here’s my card,” Patrick held the card out to David, “give me a call when you have a better sense of what you want the business to be.”

“But...I do know what I want it to be,” David replied crossly, as he plucked the card from Patrick’s fingers.

“Right, so you have a name for your business then?”

~~@~~

“He’s just a very unpleasant person,” David groused. He and Alexis were seated at the rickety table in their shared motel room, reviewing the day’s notes.

“He sounds like a button,” Alexis replied. David rolled his eyes and ignored her.

“Anyway. Were you able to arrange a way to meet Ted?”

“Yes, he came into the dingy little cafe across from that general store! He is very sweet, though it was tough to remember that for all intents and purposes, he and I have never met. I mean, I know all of these things about him, and he has never seen me - at least not in this corporeal form.”

“Wait - you think he knew you were here before?” David arched an eyebrow skeptically. Guardian Angel sightings by humans were nearly impossible.

“No, no, but every once in awhile, it felt like he was...aware of me,” Alexis replied dreamily, “I can’t really explain it.”

“You know David, you’re kind of lucky you don’t know that much about Patrick. Like, you don’t have to worry as much about accidentally revealing something that he’s never told you.”

“I guess,” David shrugged, “But it’s kind of hard to forget what happened to him because of me. He has this awful, ugly scar on his face. Somehow, it makes him look more handsome, which is kind of strange, don’t you think?”

“So he _is_ handsome!” Alexis blinked at him in what he could only assume was her approximation of a wink.

“Ugh.”

~~@~~

“You must be David,” a petite, plain-looking waitress said by way of greeting as David took a seat at the counter of the “dingy cafe” Alexis had mentioned. She wasn’t wrong; the space seemed almost muted, like the life that once filled it had slowly faded out of it.

“Mmm,” David nodded absently as the waitress - Twyla, if her crooked little name tag was accurate - plunked a glass of ice-less water down in front of him.

David had forgotten that, in this corporeal form, he had to eat and sleep on a semi-regular schedule. Typically, David very much enjoyed eating whenever he had to come down here, but he had, thus far, found the food in this little town to be a bit lacking. Johnny had convinced the dour-looking motel clerk to offer fresh cinnamon rolls that had been baked by a local man a few days ago, so at least there was that. David had consumed three of the sticky pastries this morning before making his way to the store. The motel clerk - Stevie - had pointed out that the rolls were for motel guests, to which David pointed out that he _was_ a motel guest. She hadn’t seemed overly thrilled with him after that.

“I haven’t seen you in here before,” Twyla observed. 

“Yeah, I’ve been mostly eating, uh, cinnamon rolls,” David shrugged. He didn’t mention that he’d sampled a few things Alexis had brought back to the motel and had been less than impressed. 

“Well, today’s special is a tuna melt, why not start there?” Twyla suggested with a warm smile.

“Sure,” David replied hesitantly as the cafe door opened, and Patrick Brewer appeared.

“Hey Twyla,” Patrick greeted as he approached the counter and took a seat next to David. 

“Hi Patrick! What can I get you?”

“Uh,” Patrick looked over at David, who was studying the countertop intently, “what did you get, David?”

“He got the special,” Twyla replied.

“I’ll have the same. Thanks, Twyla,” Patrick smiled and Twyla turned away with her order tickets. After a beat, Patrick looked over at David.

“So, how is the store coming along?”

“Good! It’s - it’s good,” David nodded.

“I like the name - _Rose Apothecary_. It’s just pretentious enough.”

“Would we call that pretentious?” David looked over at Patrick, to find the man smirking at him again, his eyes sparkling with delight.

David found Patrick Brewer to be something of a conundrum. This was not the man he remembered from his brief looks into his orb. He didn’t seem boring at all. His constant need to mock David was somehow charming, and almost seemed...flirtatious? Sometimes these humans were impossible to read.

“Well, if you need any help setting up the store, just let me know. Ray doesn’t have a ton of work for me, and - well, I’m not quite ready to make the drive all the way home just yet.” For the first time since David had met him, Patrick’s confidant facade seemed to falter, just for a moment. In a blink, it was back in place, and if David wasn’t what he was, he may have missed it entirely. Feeling emboldened, he pressed forward.

“Where is home?” David asked, and there it was again, the slight flinch that David saw the first time.

“A few hours from here. Well, about six hours from here. I uh, wrecked my car a while back, and it’s been at Bob’s garage ever since. I’m not entirely sure he is going to be able to fix it, though he seems pretty confident.”

“So you’re just...biding your time until this Bob person fixes your car?”

Looking uncomfortable, Patrick shrugged, “I-I don’t know.” He glanced at David, and the mischievous glint in his eyes returned. “Things just got more interesting around here. Maybe I'll stay awhile longer.”

Before David could reply, Twyla appeared with two very unappetizing looking tuna melts, and the subject was dropped.

~~@~~

“David, how is everything going with Patrick?” Johnny inquired later that night.

“Uh, it’s fine,” David replied with a confidence he didn’t feel. He was still not quite sure what he was doing with Patrick, and every time they were in a room together, David felt off his game. He didn’t know how to relay this to Johnny and Moira though.

“Well, since it looks like we might be here for a while, I picked up a new person to guard,” Johnny stated. David was surprised. Johnny and Moira were supervisors and were no longer assigned individuals.

“You ‘picked up a person’? What does that mean?”

“The motel clerk, Stevie. Her aunt recently died and left her this motel, and I could tell she was starting to drift a bit. She doesn’t have anyone assigned to her, so I thought since I was already down here, I could help out.”

“That’s why you had her bring in those cinnamon rolls,” David gleaned.

“Yes, although that was also for our benefit,” Johnny smirked, “Sugar is the best thing about being down here.”

“Right,” David nodded absently, his thoughts drifting to Patrick as he made his way back to his and Alexis’s room.

After lunch that afternoon, Patrick had walked back to Rose Apothecary with David, gently mocking some of his product choices (“Body Milk? Is this a drink?”) but also offering sincere and very solid advice. David found that he didn’t want Patrick to leave, and felt what could only be described as loneliness when Patrick inevitably had to go back to Ray’s for an appointment. Patrick, too, seemed reluctant to go, and David thought he caught a look of longing on the man’s face as he glanced back at him.

David sat on his bed and looked at his orb, still on the nightstand where he'd left it that first night. The grey had faded slightly in the last few days, but it remained stubbornly foggy. For the first time since they had arrived here, David picked up his orb and was stunned by the sudden influx of emotions that he felt. Patrick seemed to be buzzing with confusion, satisfaction, happiness, and longing, but David couldn’t seem to identify what was causing all of this. Hesitantly, he looked down into the orb. Through the slowly fading fog, David could see Patrick, sitting on a rock, looking out over a beautiful valley. He was panting slightly, and David realized he had climbed up a significant hill to reach this vista point. The emotions David had felt earlier were still there, but there was too much for David to decypher. He was about to give up when thoughts of David himself seemed to crystalize in Patrick’s mind. The image of David was accompanied by both confusion and longing.

It suddenly felt like too much. It felt invasive, to have this kind of insight into Patrick’s mind. Feeling dizzy with guilt, David opened the nightstand drawer and shoved the orb inside. As he let go of the orb, Patrick’s emotions faded from his mind, but the memory of what he saw kept David awake for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this seems to end abruptly but I want to do a bit of a time jump so...that's why. :)  
> Part 2, coming soonish.


End file.
